Already Gone
by kachilee07
Summary: He was an idiot. He needed her. But by the time he had realized it, it was too late. She was already gone.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I've had a crap evening. This is what came out of that. It's ****_very_**** loosely based on events in my own personal life. There are no names, so feel free to imagine whoever. Don't feel like you have to review if you don't want to, since this is just kinda odd. So here. Random drabble about I'm not even sure what. Enjoy. Or not.**

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Her heart hurt.

Which was dumb. Idiotic even. This was why she didn't bother with love or anything like it. She had sworn off men, hadn't she? This wasn't supposed to happen. It was never part of her plan.

But life has a funny way of working out.

When she first saw him, she laughed and shook her head. He was beautiful. Like he was born to be in magazines, the man that women pined over. Surely he was too good to be true. So she had stayed away; she knew so much better than to even look twice at a man like that. After all, someone like him would never want to be around someone like her. Being in any type of close proximity to him was a surefire way to end up heartbroken. And she'd had enough heartbreak to last a lifetime.

No, she didn't need a man like him in her life.

Life had other plans.

Despite telling herself quite firmly that it was not an option, somehow he became part of her life. And without realizing it, she fell, hard and fast. It was like someone had hit her over the head with a brick.

She told herself repeatedly that it was just a phase; it wouldn't last. Yet here they were, years later.

Throughout that time he had become almost like her best friend. Well, as much of a best friend as he could be. Unlike his appearance which screamed perfect, the rest of him wasn't quite so perfect. He had issues. She remained there with him through them all, completely patient on the outside even though inside she was screaming.

He messed with her head; she could admit that. There was no way he hadn't discovered even a tiny bit of her feelings. He used that to his advantage, playing on her emotions, yet always keeping her at a distance. Even as he did it, she stayed, heart breaking a little more each time.

Things weren't always so bad. There were times that they'd spend, just the two of them, hanging out casually. He'd smile that smile at her, causing her heart to flutter just a bit. He'd ask how things were in her life. Hadn't she met someone yet? She'd just smile softly at him, shaking her head at him. He'd sigh exasperated, claiming that they'd find her someone.

Like he had.

He had been dating her for a while now. Was it months, years? She couldn't really remember. All she knew was that while she wanted to hate her, she couldn't do it. The girl was a sweetheart. She'd never once complained about him hanging out with her. Maybe it was because this girl was drop dead gorgeous while she herself couldn't even compare. She gave a half laugh out to herself. Pretty people only ended up with pretty people. That's how the world worked, right?

But now he was getting married.

And oh how her heart hurt.

She wanted him to be happy. And well, this girl made him happy. At least, from what she could see. Who cares if it was a slightly dysfunctional relationship? It seemed to work for them. But that didn't mean it worked for her.

He asked her to help, to be there for him. What could she say? As he gazed hopefully at her, his eyes shining, she couldn't bring herself to turn him down. So she reluctantly agreed, feeling her heart break once more.

How could she do this? How could she watch the man she loved marry someone else? Promise to love this woman until death?

Her friends implored her to tell him. But she couldn't do it. He was beautiful and wonderful, everything she wasn't. If she told him, she knew he'd just laugh at her, thinking she was joking. After all, people like him didn't end up with people like her. That's just how it was. She knew that.

He was happy. Wasn't that supposed to be all that mattered?

It wasn't.

Her heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. Like someone had put a bullet straight through it.

This was why she had sworn off men. Sworn off the idea of love. All it ever caused was misery and pain. She was better off alone.

Maybe she should just move to an island. Somewhere secluded where love couldn't torment her. Seclusion had to better than what she was going through now.

Days before it was to happen, she stopped by his house, dropping off his tux. She let herself in using the key he had given to her, calling out his name as she stepped in the entryway. When she got no response, she moved further in, setting the garment on the couch. Voices from the media room grabbed her attention, so she headed in that direction. The sound of her name in the conversation had her stopping just short of the door.

He was in there, his friends talking to him. They were talking about her, telling him that he was an idiot for not realizing how she felt about him. Her heart sped up as dread filled her. He responded, shrugging and saying that it was never an option for him.

She must've made some sort of noise because suddenly his head shot up and he stared at her. Her face had lost all color as she locked eyes with him. Time seemed to freeze. There wasn't even a hint of regret in his face at his choice of words. He didn't seem to care that she had heard. As she stared at him, her heart broke one last time, the final crack causing it to shatter.

Without saying a word, she turned and fled, ignoring the pleas from his friends to stop. She kept going, jumping into her car and escaping.

It wasn't until she had gotten almost twenty miles away before she stopped and broke down.

Pulling over on the side of the road, she brought her knees to her chest and cried.

She knew she wasn't going to be enough. She had known that there was never going to be anything more between them. She had known right from the start, since before she had met him. So why did it hurt so much?

Her phone was buzzing repeatedly next to her, calls from his friends, from her friends making it go haywire. They wanted to know where she was, if she was okay. His friends were texting her, telling her that he was an asshole. She knew how he was, right? To just please come back so that everything would be okay.

But everything wasn't going to be okay.

At least not while she was here.

And that was when she knew. She couldn't stay. Not after that. Her heart couldn't handle anymore. There was nothing left for him to break. She had to leave.

She drove back to her apartment, sneaking in the back way when she saw familiar cars parked out front. She climbed up the fire escape and opened her bedroom window. In under five minutes she had packed a bag with the essentials and climbed back out. She tossed the bag into her trunk and drove off, not even bothering to look back.

She was leaving. And not coming back.

There were too many memories here. She loved him, but she couldn't watch him do this. She couldn't continue on being only the friend he claimed she was. Her heart couldn't handle it anymore. She sent one text, to him. "I'm sorry" was all she said. Before he could reply, she turned off her phone and tossed it in her glovebox.

This was goodbye.

Maybe the only way to be happy was to completely forget about him.

After all, he didn't need her, much less want her.

But he did.

He realized his mistake moments after she left. He watched as the one person who had stuck by him ran out of his life. Panic filled him when she wouldn't answer her phone, refusing to respond to the texts he and his friends sent her. He got in his car and drove in a daze to her apartment, camping out in front of the door waiting for her.

He had to make this right. Had to do something.

Once he thought he heard a noise coming from inside the apartment, but that was impossible. He hadn't seen her car pull up and there was no way she could have gotten in without getting past him.

An hour passed with still no sign of her. His phone buzzed, causing his heart to leap. He looked down in relief, seeing that the message was from her. But his relief was short lived when he saw the short "I'm sorry."

Swearing he fell back against the door. He was an idiot. How could he have said that? How could he have been so careless with the feelings of the one person who had been with him for all those years?

He needed her. But by the time he realized it, it was too late.

She was already gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: So this was originally just a one shot. Something I needed to get off my chest. Turns out there's a little bit more I needed to get out. I'm still kind of an emotional wreck. Hah. Didn't see that one coming today.**

**So here we are, a part two. Fair warning, if you didn't like the end of part one, you won't be thrilled with me this time either. And just to clarify, this IS the last part. Nothing else after this. **

**Thanks for reading, lovelies.**

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His heart hurt.

All because he was dumb. Idiotic even. He thought he had been in love. Maybe he had. Truth was, he wasn't sure of many things any more.

Life has a funny way of working out.

His best friend had left him days before his wedding. As he watched her run from his house, a part of his heart went with her. Shock entered his system; he was paralyzed by fear. What did he do without her?

When they met, he didn't look twice at her. Not to say that he didn't find her attractive; she just wasn't his type. But they grew closer to each to other and before they knew it, they were friends.

He knew she'd harbored a crush on him. Had he taken advantage of that at times? Yeah. He could freely admit that. He wasn't particularly proud of that. But he never crossed that invisible line between them. Crossing that line would mean intentionally leading her on, and well, he couldn't do that to her.

Then he met her; his fiance. She was everything he'd ever dreamed of. Gorgeous, smart, funny and just his type. He knew it was hard on his best friend. Occasionally he'd see the flashes of hurt in her eyes, but they were quickly wiped away. So fast that oftentimes he thought he'd imagined it. She was never anything but nice to his fiance. They got along, at least from what he could tell.

Things weren't always easy with his fiance, though. Throughout the entire time they dated, they fought. At first it was kind of a turn on for him. They'd fight, break up and then make up in the most spectacular way. But after a while, it started to get old.

Despite this, she was still everything he had always pictured wanting. So he proposed. And she accepted.

His best friend was happy for him, at least that's what she said. Her eyes told a different story, but he tried to ignore that. He asked her for help. It was completely selfish of him, but he couldn't do this without her. She agreed, even though he knew it was reluctantly.

Days before the wedding, his friends were over at his house. They were messing around, playing a few games of pool in the media room, talking about what was to come. One of his bandmates mentioned her, asking him why he was being such a jerk. He had looked at him, completely confused.

The rest of them chimed in, telling him that he was the world's biggest idiot for not realizing her feelings for him; and what's worse, not acting on his own feelings for her. He laughed at them initially, telling them that they were way off on it. But they each insisted, pushing at the subject. Finally, completely irritated with them, he shrugged and told them that it was never an option for him.

A wounded noise had his head shooting up. There in the doorway, she stood, face white, eyes wide. He froze, not registering that she was really there. Before he knew it, she was running out. He stood there, unable to move. His friends swore and ran out after her, but he knew it was too late. She had escaped.

When he came to his senses, he pulled out his phone and frantically began calling and texting her, desperately pleading with her to answer him. He was an idiot, an asshole. He just needed to talk to her, to make it right.

He went to her apartment and waited for her. Once he thought he heard a noise in there, but it was impossible. She couldn't have gotten in without going past him.

Finally, an hour later, he got a text from her. Relief shone in him until he read the text.

"I'm sorry," was all it said. He swore and fell back against the door. He was an idiot. How could he have been so careless with the feelings of the one who had been there for him all these years?

He needed her. So much. But it was too late. Now she was gone.

But he wasn't going to give up so easily.

Without a second thought, he jumped in his car and took off. He stopped back at his place, packing a bag and making a few calls. He was determined to find her. He couldn't just let her walk out of his life like that.

It took a few days, but he managed to track her down. He pulled into the hotel parking lot, two states over, completely weary. He saw her car a few spaces over and his heart leapt for the first time in days. Taking a deep breath he walked up to the door to her room and knocked.

Curiosity filled her when the knock sounded in her small hotel room. Apprehensively, she opened the door to see him standing there. He uttered her name on a breath, a smile popping out on his face at the sight of her. She stood there, stock still, unable to move.

How had he found her? He wasn't supposed to do this. She was supposed to be getting over him, forgetting him. She was in a whole other state for Pete's sake. Finally, when he spoke her name once more, she moved aside silently to let him in.

"Why are you here?" she asked him quietly.

"You left me," he stated. Her eyes shot up to meet his, a hint of irritation in her own.

"I was never yours. You made that perfectly clear."

The ice in her tone got to him. It stabbed him right in the heart. Was this what she felt whenever he casually rejected her?

"Shouldn't you be getting ready to be married tomorrow?" she asked.

His eyes widened. "I – I…forgot," came his voice, quiet. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You forgot that you were supposed to get married?" A pithy laugh escaped her chest as she got up to restlessly pace. "Oh that's likely."

He shrugged, a familiar move that caused a pain in her chest. "I guess my only thought was finding you."

She wanted answers. The man she had loved for the past several years had just claimed to have abandoned his own wedding, days after indirectly rejecting her, and was now sitting in front of her expectantly. This wasn't supposed to happen. She needed answers.

"Why?" she asked hesitantly.

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come. His lips pressed together before opening once more, attempting to figure out what it was he felt.

"Because…I think I love you," he said aloud for the first time.

Her heart cracked open. Shouldn't those words make her happy? Isn't that what she wanted? A part of her wanted to jump into his arms, no questions asked. But she couldn't.

One look at his face and she knew.

"No. No you don't," she said, her voice broken. He stepped forward, determined.

"I do," he started, but she interrupted him, her hand coming up to stop him from speaking.

"You don't," she repeated. "Ask yourself this: why is it only now that you say that? You never looked at me in that way before. You're supposed to be getting married, to the girl of your dreams, no less," she stated, her heart breaking even as she spoke, voice shaking. "I'm not that girl."

He opened his mouth to respond, but closed it quickly, a better idea popping up in his head. In two short strides he was in front of her, grasping onto her arms and pulling her close. His mouth closed in on hers, taking over her.

Her heart leapt in her chest. The feel of his lips on hers was wonderful. It was everything she had ever imagined it would be. He was possessing her, taking her further and further. Her body was pressed up close to his, molding to his perfectly. Lights were flashing behind her eyelids, heart beating rapidly against her chest.

The sound of him groaning against her lips brought her back to her senses. She pushed away, gasping. Her eyes met his; his gaze dark and intense, her own eyes wide.

"Tell me you didn't feel that," he demanded.

She sat on the bed, hand over her heart. Dumbly, she shook her head.

"I can't," she replied, shaken. He gazed at her in triumph, but before he could speak, she stopped him once more. "I can't tell you I didn't feel that, because I did. But that means nothing."

He started to protest angrily, but the sound of his name on her lips stopped him.

"Despite what just happened, I can look at you and see. You don't love me. You only think you do because I left. You're about to marry your dream girl. I'm not her. I never was."

He saw the defeat written in her eyes and his own heart broke. He tried to think of something to say, something that would make her understand.

"You are now," was all he said.

A broken sob left her. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to put a shield between them.

"Even if – even if that were true, this isn't going to work. Not right now. You're supposed to be getting _married_ tomorrow. Does she even know that you're here?"

He shook his head at her. "No. I left the same day you did. Only I told her that I was going for a last minute press junket out state."

"You're such an ass," she responded. "This girl is crazy over you. And up until a few days ago, you were just as crazy about her."

"Until I realized how much more crazy I am about you."

"Stop it," she demanded. "Do you know how many times you broke my heart?" she questioned, her voice quavering. "You knew exactly how I felt about you, yet you used that. I tried for as long as I could to hold it in, to be the friend that you needed. But I can't do that anymore. I can't watch you get married to her. I can't be around you anymore. It hurts too much," she finished, a few tears escaping from her eyes.

He stared at her, his own heart about to beat right out of his chest.

"It doesn't have to hurt. Why can't we try us?" She gave another sarcastic laugh.

"Because you're getting _married_. You can't just break that off."

"Yes I can," he interjected. She shook her head at him.

"We can't be together. Not right now, maybe not ever. There's too much between us. Too much has happened. I can't handle it. God!" she yelled out, completely frustrated. "Do you know what I would've done to hear you say this years ago? Even a few months ago I probably wouldn't have questioned it. But I can't do that now. I just can't."

"Why not?" he questioned, desperate. Her eyes met his once more, weariness reflecting out of hers.

"Because intentional or not, you messed with me over the past few years. Now you're saying that you want to break it off with the girl you claim to have been dreaming about since day one, just to be with me? I'm never going to stop wondering if this is just a phase for you. I can't compare to her. I never did. You want me now because I'm something you can't have."

"Bullshit," he swore loudly. "I love you. I'm not leaving here without you…" She stopped him again, speaking his name softly.

"I was doing fine, or at least I was on my way to fine, then you showed up here. This isn't a fairy tale. I'm not going to ride off with you into the sunset. I left because I couldn't take being around you anymore. My heart is broken enough. You can't expect to show up, say those three little words and have me jump into your arms. There's too much between us. I can't do it."

Her name fell from his lips, pleading. His eyes were desperate as he dropped to his knees in front of her. On another sob, she shook her head at him.

"No. Listen to me. You're going to go back home. Then tomorrow you're going to marry that girl that you promised to love forever. And you're going to be just fine without me."

She got up and walked to the door, opening it for him. Slowly he walked over to her, his heart sinking in his chest. He stopped just outside and turned back to her.

"I'm not going to marry her. I love you, and if I have to wait for you to come around, then I will," he said, determination reflecting out of his eyes.

She sighed and felt another tear fall.

"You'll be waiting a long time," she responded quietly before shutting the door.

He heard the sound of her bolting the locks, a sign that she was shutting him out. He almost started to panic, wanting to turn around and break down the door, never letting her go until she saw reason. But he knew her. She was stubborn. But so was he.

So he'd wait, just like he said. Even if it took years, he'd get her back. And this time he wouldn't be an idiot.

She bolted the locks as soon as she shut the door, her hands shaking. Her whole body felt shaky. Unable to even walk, she sank down onto the floor, leaning up against the door.

Had she really just let the man she was in love with walk out the door after he claimed to love her?

How could she have not? She knew him almost better than herself, and she was right. He wanted her because she had left. He had never shown interest in her in that way prior.

She had wanted to believe him; wanted to just melt into his kiss, melt into his embrace. It would've been only too easy to let him sweep her off her feet. But it wouldn't have been enough.

He would get bored of her. She wasn't his type. Men like him didn't end up with girls like her. It was a phase.

Even if he was telling her the truth, which oh how that thought pierced her heart, she still couldn't have done it. He had hurt her too much. Too much had been said, too much had _not_ been said in the years they had known each other. The final dismissal of her a few days ago was what broke her.

It hurt. Everything in her hurt. But she knew this was for the best. She was right. After everything she'd been through, didn't she deserve to be happy?

She'd leave for her next destination in the morning. Right now she was too churned up to drive.

She needed to continue on without him; figure out her life. Be happy. No more heartaches. No more brokenness. No more love and the pain it brought.

Maybe happiness was worth the chance of a bitter end.

Even though she knew it was right, one thing was still certain.

Her heart hurt.

Oh how her heart hurt.


End file.
